by Karen Kristine

Is this a calling
I am hearing from You?
Or something I want to do?
There is so much confusion,
in my head and my heart;
I don’t know where to start.

As I grapple with fear,
I hear a voice that tells me,
“this can’t be for you.”
I am just a simple woman after all.
Why would He give me this call?

I remember writing as a young girl.
Words would come to me late at night,
I would get up and rush to write them down.
I have written a few chapters over the years.
Doesn’t everyone do that?

My friends tell me no;
they have never started a book
or heard poetry in the night.

Is this His message to me?
Can it be?

As my fear turns to doubt,
I dig into His Word.
I read about his His call,
His plans for us all.
I think I hear Him whisper,
“this is who you are,
you will write for Me.”

Then doubt moves to guilt.
I think of all the years I have wasted,
trying to figure this out.
I kept myself busy;
running here, running there.
Trying to outrun my fear.

Only now to be anguished
at my lack of belief in You.
I thought I doubted myself,
which is true, but I know You and all that You can do.

You part the seas;
You heal the blind and lame;
You have even given me a writing name.
Yet I doubt You can use this
ordinary woman to write for You.

Who else do You have to choose?
We are all broken vessels with chips and cracks.
May I use how You made me
to bring the lost back.

Lord, I am trying to step out of my
guilt and shame.
Please help me to write under my new name.
Please help me keep my eyes on You,
To pray and write each day.
I don’t want to miss all You have to say.

I know this is all from satan;
he wants to trip me up.
He doesn’t want me to drink
from Your loving cup.

When my life is over,
may I look back and see
the years I struggled
were part of Your message to me.

May I now move forward,
with You in my sight.
May I write everything You tell me,
especially Your whispers in the night.

Karen Kristine, a Christian writer born and raised in the Pacific Northwest, is the youngest of five children. She has a background in finance, but her love of writing began in middle school. It wasn’t until her two children were grown that her writing became a persistent echo in her heart. She enjoys gardening, exercising, and spending time with her family and friends. She is currently writing a blog along with devotions and free-verse poetry on her website. She is trying to complete two Christian novels, one for tweens and one for adults. Her deepest desire is that her writing will encourage and uplift her brothers and sisters in Christ and, above all, bring glory to the Lord.